Tuesday, January 29, 2013
A Little Bit of Life: Life Without Her
A Little Bit of Life: Life Without Her: Todays the day that I slow down and remember who she was and how she made me. She was my best friend and could always sense when I had quest...
Sunday, January 27, 2013
NOT NOW!
Adults tell many stories about when little girls are born and their daddy's melt at the sight of them. They wrap their worlds around the little girls and the minute they walk through the door their little princesses are up and awake and calling for daddy. My mother told me I was the same with my dad. He was my world. When he was gone, I slept. When he was home, I was up. I longed to be daddy's little girl all the time. As I grew older, I still longed for my dad but due to unstoppable ways of the world...we lived apart and we grew apart.
About ten years ago I had a chance to move to the country to be closer to him and I took it. It was time to make the change and it was an opportunity to find out about the man that I only knew of as a child. We had been separated for a long time and for many reasons in between. It was only a few years ago that things in our lives changed again and even though I had lived down the street from him I had not yet got to spend quality time with him. Things changed in his life and in mine and we found ourselves free to be father and daughter again.
It was dinners together and he was educating me on our family history and all the things that families usually learn over time. I was clueless and I started learning everything over a two year period. After the first year dad realized that he had a need to find a Doctor. He had a growth on his eye and it was getting bigger. He allowed me to accompanying him to the Doctor and slowly we discovered that it was cancer. My heart sunk at the thought of what was gonna happen? Was I gonna lose him to cancer just like I had lost my mom? Why Now when we just started to get to know each other again. This man didn't like medicine. He could hold the medicine in one hand that he had taken his whole life. I was fearful and quietly kept crying to myself "NOT NOW."
That was over a year ago and although the cancer is not yet completely gone. The cancer is being treated and it all looks good. He is heading towards being a survivor. I definitely feel like between the two of my parents I can call myself a caregiver.
We continue to learn about each other and I enjoy every moment that I can spend with him. At forty-five I am not his little princess any more but he will always be my DAD! I will always love him for all that he is. He has taught me about life and not just the way of treating others but the way of respecting ourselves and learning to slow down and be true to those we love and the others around us. Instead of being angry for all the years apart..I am grateful to God for all our time together and for him allowing me to be there when my dad has needed me the most.
This story is to Honor my father, my dad. The man that I respect more than anyone on this earth:
If you share a story like mine, then please donate to my relay for life team "Footprints Of The Hearts" at:
My URL: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=50977&pg=personal&px=20079579
and then write me a story and I will make your loved one a part of this Honorary Blog with your story for all to view. Lets make one voice, one action together with many others, be the difference in this world that finds the cure for cancer. Lets stop it for the future generations.Thank you for all you do to help our fight!
Kim Barbee-Tucker
This Story Honors my dad:
About ten years ago I had a chance to move to the country to be closer to him and I took it. It was time to make the change and it was an opportunity to find out about the man that I only knew of as a child. We had been separated for a long time and for many reasons in between. It was only a few years ago that things in our lives changed again and even though I had lived down the street from him I had not yet got to spend quality time with him. Things changed in his life and in mine and we found ourselves free to be father and daughter again.
It was dinners together and he was educating me on our family history and all the things that families usually learn over time. I was clueless and I started learning everything over a two year period. After the first year dad realized that he had a need to find a Doctor. He had a growth on his eye and it was getting bigger. He allowed me to accompanying him to the Doctor and slowly we discovered that it was cancer. My heart sunk at the thought of what was gonna happen? Was I gonna lose him to cancer just like I had lost my mom? Why Now when we just started to get to know each other again. This man didn't like medicine. He could hold the medicine in one hand that he had taken his whole life. I was fearful and quietly kept crying to myself "NOT NOW."
That was over a year ago and although the cancer is not yet completely gone. The cancer is being treated and it all looks good. He is heading towards being a survivor. I definitely feel like between the two of my parents I can call myself a caregiver.
We continue to learn about each other and I enjoy every moment that I can spend with him. At forty-five I am not his little princess any more but he will always be my DAD! I will always love him for all that he is. He has taught me about life and not just the way of treating others but the way of respecting ourselves and learning to slow down and be true to those we love and the others around us. Instead of being angry for all the years apart..I am grateful to God for all our time together and for him allowing me to be there when my dad has needed me the most.
This story is to Honor my father, my dad. The man that I respect more than anyone on this earth:
If you share a story like mine, then please donate to my relay for life team "Footprints Of The Hearts" at:
My URL: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=50977&pg=personal&px=20079579
and then write me a story and I will make your loved one a part of this Honorary Blog with your story for all to view. Lets make one voice, one action together with many others, be the difference in this world that finds the cure for cancer. Lets stop it for the future generations.Thank you for all you do to help our fight!
Kim Barbee-Tucker
This Story Honors my dad:
 |
| Marvin "Butch" Barbee 1945-Present |
SHE CAUGHT ME IN A DAZE
As I was growing up I was spoiled and thought that what ever I wanted was what mattered in the world. I should be heard first and then everyone else second. As I got into my teenage years I began to realize that I was a little too big for my britches. I soon discovered that having a heart of gold was such a more important feature then to have the last word.
I often found myself trying to solve everyone Else's problems or at least spreading myself thin enough to feel like I could be there for whoever might be having a difficult day or at least a difficult week. The thinner my time for me got the more stressed I became until one day from around the corner of my door to my room came my mother. She came with a peace offering of hot chocolate and a smile on her face. We talked for what seemed to be hours. She always knew when something wasn't quite right with me.
As I grew older we developed into a mother and daughter team that we often would be teased about because our personalities were a lot alike. The main difference was in the fact that I was so young and inexperienced as to what the world had still to hold for me. I was rough around the edges and she, was wise and polished.
The year I turned twenty I was in college and had a two almost three year old son. My mom was so proud of me making the honor roll and she participated in my awards banquet. I cant ever remember seeing her smile so big. She was gushing with...."That's my daughter." That was the last time I remember seeing her so happy.
She had been hiding from me that she was sick and had just begun going to the Doctor. Shortly after my banquet we discovered that she had Larynx cancer. Cancer had managed to take several of our family members already. Mom was terrified and I followed her when I heard the Doctors saying that she had the fastest growing cancer they had ever seen. While she continued to talk to the rest of the family I found myself outside, alone and stunned. I looked up to see my mom walking across the yard with a cup of tea for herself and me. Tears flowed for so long and by the time we finally stopped neither one of us could bear to open our eyes for the burning.
In all of her fear and pain she endured two surgeries and one was when she lost her voice and had her larynx removed. She was so strong...and I was so weak and scared. Being an only child I couldn't help but imagine my life without her and how empty it would be without my best friend. She had taught me to take care of others and to make sure needs were met but she couldn't teach me how to take care of losing her because she couldn't bare the thought of not having my son and myself with her every day. She once told me that she was not afraid of dying because she knew where she was going. She was afraid of what she would leave behind. The fact that she was afraid of leaving her loved ones alone without her to lean on.
My one last moment that I must tell about the strength of this woman is about when she had her first surgery. As sick and scared as she was she still had to tell each of us what to do and how to prepare for her surgery. She was always such a giver and a people person that she paid attention to behaviors and emotions more than anyone I have ever known. She knew what you needed before you did. On the day of her surgery we all awaited her return to her room. To know that the first hurdle was over was the first step to helping her continue to fight her cancer.
I found myself in her room alone. She knew me so well. I have always wrote down my feelings when they over whelm me and she knew that I was over whelmed at the fear of losing the most important woman in my life. I saw that she had brought some items from home. A magazine and notebook and a few other things. Well, I reached for the notebook and as I opened it.......she had caught me in a daze. I began to cry.. My mother had left a note for me in the notebook. Even in surgery and her life on the line...she found a way to reach out to me. I read the note and took a breath and gathered my thoughts. From that day on..she became the wind beneath my wings. She lifted me up to where I needed to be without even being in the room with me. When she passed away in March of 1989 I lost a huge part of my soul but it mends as new problems come about and I remember what she would have said and done. She taught me how to fight and that's why I do Relay for Life. SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN! I FIGHT IN HER HONOR! PLEASE HELP ME WITH OUR FIGHT! DONATE TO ME AND MY TEAM: FOOTPRINTS OF THE HEART!
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=50977&pg=personal&px=20079579
Kim Barbee-Tucker :
Honoring:
Carolyn Owens-Barbee-Hoffman 1947-1989
I often found myself trying to solve everyone Else's problems or at least spreading myself thin enough to feel like I could be there for whoever might be having a difficult day or at least a difficult week. The thinner my time for me got the more stressed I became until one day from around the corner of my door to my room came my mother. She came with a peace offering of hot chocolate and a smile on her face. We talked for what seemed to be hours. She always knew when something wasn't quite right with me.
As I grew older we developed into a mother and daughter team that we often would be teased about because our personalities were a lot alike. The main difference was in the fact that I was so young and inexperienced as to what the world had still to hold for me. I was rough around the edges and she, was wise and polished.
The year I turned twenty I was in college and had a two almost three year old son. My mom was so proud of me making the honor roll and she participated in my awards banquet. I cant ever remember seeing her smile so big. She was gushing with...."That's my daughter." That was the last time I remember seeing her so happy.
She had been hiding from me that she was sick and had just begun going to the Doctor. Shortly after my banquet we discovered that she had Larynx cancer. Cancer had managed to take several of our family members already. Mom was terrified and I followed her when I heard the Doctors saying that she had the fastest growing cancer they had ever seen. While she continued to talk to the rest of the family I found myself outside, alone and stunned. I looked up to see my mom walking across the yard with a cup of tea for herself and me. Tears flowed for so long and by the time we finally stopped neither one of us could bear to open our eyes for the burning.
In all of her fear and pain she endured two surgeries and one was when she lost her voice and had her larynx removed. She was so strong...and I was so weak and scared. Being an only child I couldn't help but imagine my life without her and how empty it would be without my best friend. She had taught me to take care of others and to make sure needs were met but she couldn't teach me how to take care of losing her because she couldn't bare the thought of not having my son and myself with her every day. She once told me that she was not afraid of dying because she knew where she was going. She was afraid of what she would leave behind. The fact that she was afraid of leaving her loved ones alone without her to lean on.
My one last moment that I must tell about the strength of this woman is about when she had her first surgery. As sick and scared as she was she still had to tell each of us what to do and how to prepare for her surgery. She was always such a giver and a people person that she paid attention to behaviors and emotions more than anyone I have ever known. She knew what you needed before you did. On the day of her surgery we all awaited her return to her room. To know that the first hurdle was over was the first step to helping her continue to fight her cancer.
I found myself in her room alone. She knew me so well. I have always wrote down my feelings when they over whelm me and she knew that I was over whelmed at the fear of losing the most important woman in my life. I saw that she had brought some items from home. A magazine and notebook and a few other things. Well, I reached for the notebook and as I opened it.......she had caught me in a daze. I began to cry.. My mother had left a note for me in the notebook. Even in surgery and her life on the line...she found a way to reach out to me. I read the note and took a breath and gathered my thoughts. From that day on..she became the wind beneath my wings. She lifted me up to where I needed to be without even being in the room with me. When she passed away in March of 1989 I lost a huge part of my soul but it mends as new problems come about and I remember what she would have said and done. She taught me how to fight and that's why I do Relay for Life. SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN! I FIGHT IN HER HONOR! PLEASE HELP ME WITH OUR FIGHT! DONATE TO ME AND MY TEAM: FOOTPRINTS OF THE HEART!
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=50977&pg=personal&px=20079579
Kim Barbee-Tucker :
Honoring:
Carolyn Owens-Barbee-Hoffman 1947-1989
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| My Mother my Friend: The Wind Beneath My | Wings |
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